Find a Grave: Do You Know Where Your Ancestors Are Buried?

I am on break from school, and the house is quiet.  My Dearest Husband took the two older boys with him to work.  He’s a self-employed fixer-of-all-things, which is convenient when the kids need spending money (they are forced to earn it); and we usually don’t have to fight for a day off when he needs it.  In a nutshell, I had the time to re-read some of my previous posts and do some writing that is not for school.  What a glorious day!

Nonetheless, some of my old posts made me sad.  Brookdale Mall, which I posted about in May of 2009, has been torn down.  It stood nearly vacant for some time before its date with the wrecking ball.  I discovered the news as a cold shock on a Facebook post from a former classmate of mine.  It was just as startling as hearing about the death of an old friend who’s been sick.  You know it’s going to happen, but with selfish desire we wish the ill to hang on with us for another hour, another day.  Not for the sake of the dying, but out of our own wish to hang on to what was.

On a more positive note, I did find a good krumkake iron on eBay, and finally got around to using it last weekend.  I am not the Krumkake Queen, however (yet), and half of them turned out overdone.  It is sad, but I am sure with much more practice I will master the art of krumkake baking and rolling!  My boys are very positive that if I make these year-round, by Christmas of 2012 they should come out a perfect shade of light golden brown.  For now, we are all enjoying the dark ones with ice cream.

Since school has been absorbing much of my time, I have not been antiquing for ages!  I am missing it enormously!  My 5/19/09 post, InstantAncestors: $1 Each, brought to mind a worthy project that I have recently discovered & have squeezed in time for between holiday errands.  It is called Find-A-Grave.  I discovered this a couple of months ago when looking into my own family history, and was touched to find that there are people who volunteer to take photographs of headstones and memorials and post them online for others who are too far away or for whatever reason cannot make it to the graves of their family members.  If you haven’t heard of this project, please check it out and support it if you can.  It is very helpful for those who are working on family history projects.  Each online memorial has a page for pictures of the grave site and the person as well.  There is enough space on the memorial to post the obituary and link to other family members, whether or not they are buried in the same cemetery. 

        

Find-a-Grave

I realize this may sound a bit morbid, but this may be the only sense of closure for some.  The volunteers who posted my own great-grandfather’s memorial (who are not by any means related to me) were happy to transfer the “ownership” or maintenance of the memorial to me, and were quick to help when corrections were needed.  I visited a local country cemetery last week to take three photos as a new volunteer, and although I only found two of the three I was looking for, I was amazed to find that one of my parents’ old friends from high school was buried in that cemetery.  It may not sound fantastic, but I was pretty surprised to see that Virgil was buried about fifty miles away from his hometown where my mom & he went to school.

Well, I’m off to do something constructive before the guys come home J

Five Signs You Are No Longer a Teenager

http://www.flickr.com/people/jbcurio/

#5.  Your Reaction to Music

You are amazed at the audacity of those “young whippersnappers” who listen to their music too loud.

You have children who listen to “music” that’s all just a bunch of noise and screaming. 

You yell “Turn that crap down!” from either end of a staircase.

You swear that music now just isn't anywhere as good as the stuff you grew up with.

#4.  Class Reunions

You realize that the majority of attendees at your high school reunion went up to their hotel rooms by nine.  And it wasn’t for sex or to party.  It was time for meds and sleep.

You need to look carefully into the eyes of your old classmates to recognize them.  The eyes never change, even though hair (if still present) and waistlines generally do.

http://www.flickr.com/people/onesec/

http://www.flickr.com/people/loungerie/

Reuniting with an old high school sweetheart in the presence of a spouse becomes more of a topic for humor than jealousy.  You're the spouse here... are ya jealous yet?

#3.  Your Friends Change 

When you get a message from a long-time girlfriend asking if you know of anyone who might have a crib they could borrow, and you no longer respond by “Congrats!  When are you due?”  Rather, the response is more typically, “How exciting!  Which one of the kids are expecting?”

Friends email you pictures of their grandchildren and you no longer think it a scandal that they’ve become grandparents so young.

Your friends are only available to hang out during the summer months because they’ve decided to spend winters down south.  The warmer climate is so much easier on the joints after that last hip or knee replacement, you know.

Of course none of this applies to you, because you still feel like you’re a teenager.  Well, on the inside anyway.  We won’t mention that crick in your back or your inability to sit “Indian style” (as you still call it, even though your children cringe at your inadvertent racism) on the floor.  Ha!  Sit on the floor?  You can’t even get up off the couch without hanging on to something! 

#2.  Vacations

The “Family Vacation” no longer involves piling kids, a metal Coleman cooler and canvas tent into the back of a Country Squire or Impala station wagon (complete with wood paneling) and driving to Yellowstone.  It now means that you fly (or drive your over-sized recreational vehicle, with compact car in-tow) to one child’s house on one coast or the other, then meander up through two or three states to visit the other kid or two who are still too poor to afford the plane ticket to visit you at Christmas time.

You’d rather visit Branson to see all of the “good” entertainers than go to an amusement park like Six Flags.

You need to get the over-sized rental car in order to accommodate your oxygen tanks.

“Camping” now involves a hotel room with a coffee pot.

#1.  The Meaning of “Home” Has Changed   

The mall, “the place to be,” where you hung out at with friends during your teenage years has been declared condemned and torn down.

Your childhood home is now in a worse part of town than it was when you lived there (there’s even a crack-house next door).

There is now a strip-mall, office complex or income-based townhome where Grandma and Grandpa’s house used to be.

You call it “going home” and your children whisper “it’s time to bring Mom and Dad back to the home” behind your back.

http://www.flickr.com/people/joebenjamin/

My Other Job(s)

When I was a kid, my mom was a stay-at-home mom, or SAHM, as they are now called.  Wow.  I wish I could be so lucky. 

My mom didn't just sit around the house, though.  She was the superintendent of the Sunday School at our church, a member of the Ladies' Aid and also volunteered in the art room at my school.  She sang in the choir.  She went to Art School.  For fun she went bowling every Thursday night with "the girls".  And she always made our clothes - I don't think I had any store-bought clothing until after my dad died and she had to go back to work.

Maybe this recession has been a good thing, in a sense.  People are learning to do with less, and many families are making it work on one income again.  More people I know are making things at home, like clothing, gifts and even meals - go figure! 

Now with one parent at home while the other is working, there might be something better than fast food on the table for dinner.  And all of the family members can eat together, since no one can afford to send their teenagers out for dates at the movies.

This even means that parents might get a chance to meet their kids' friends.  And even more surprising yet, their kids' boyfriends and girlfriends may even eat dinner with them - meaning they might get to know what their kids are doing and who they are hanging out with.

Of course in this day and age, most of the parents who are staying at home now are the men, rather than the women.  At least that's what is the norm with the people I know.  Most of the men I know who were laid off were working either in the construction trades or trucking.  When no one is buying new homes, no one is building them, either.

It's been nice, in some respects, having my husband home during the day.  My three teenage sons don't get away with much.  In fact, most of the time they don't even bother trying anymore since they know it's not worth it to make trouble.  Hubby's the mastermind at out house when it comes to devising repercussions for misbehavior.

Obviously, he's also way better than I am at lifting the heavy stuff, which means that the couch gets moved when the vacuuming is done.  The heavy totes of seasonal stuff like summer clothes and beach gear get packed into the shed right away, and the winter sweaters and coats are brought in.

I can't help but feeling a little left out, though.  When I get home from work, I usually end up cooking dinner (trust me - this is for the best, in our house.  The guys all cook, but I like to eat before 9pm).  While I cook, everyone else watches TV in the living room, because "their work is done for the day."  I don't think "mom's chores" are ever done.   It seems like I'm left with the chores I don't necessarily like, to boot.  Not that I don't like working, but why do I need to be the one who's always running?  As a friend of mine from highschool, Amy, said on her FaceBook status one day (and this should be known for all time as one of the greatest quotes, EVER):  "Not only do I have to bring home the bacon, but I have to cook it, too."

We working moms still seem to get stuck with more work than our fathers did when they were the ones bringing home the bacon.  I still do a lot of the stuff my mom did: the volunteering, the cooking, the coupon-shopping and the sewing.  Only now I've got a full-time, sometimes 40+ hour-per-week job to fit in as well.  I've also decided that I need to go back to school to finish my degree.  By the time I get my BS in Business Administration that I started about 6 years ago, I will have three kids in college, if they haven't already beaten me to the graduation finish line.

In order to supplement the amount needed to cover books for school and other miscellaneous items, I've started an online store at Etsy, Rock Prairie Designs.  I blog about how that's going at my other blog, Rock Prairie Designs.  Trust me, I don't whine as much there as I might here or on my other blogs.  It's just not professional :)

At least the work I do for my store is something I like.  It's fun.  Even if it ends up someday as yardsale fodder, as long as it helps me out now, cool.  Stop by and check it out, and spread the word, if you like what you see.  I can use all the help I can get!

I can't say I hold anything against my husband for being at home, either.  He gave me an "art studio" - one day I came home and he had an area put together for my work space:
 


It's cozy, but just perfect. The light above the table is great.

Here's a pic of my most recent creation, finished in My New Art Studio :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

My birthday is this Saturday. Not to give away my "real" age, let's just say I've been celebrating the 28th anniversary of my birth for several years now. But that's alright, because if age is a state of mind, not body, then I guess I could say I really am going to be 28 on Saturday.  Again.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/ / CC BY 2.0

Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

A co-worker brought in chocolate cupcakes today, since we all have Thursday and Friday off in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday. So even better than just getting chocolate, today's also my Friday - whoohoo! All of that almost makes up for the fact that all of the songs I grew up with can now be heard on the "oldies" radio station I often listen to at work. Not just the songs from my early childhood, but even the ones that came out when I was in highschool and college.

And I don't even have to cook the big meal for everyone tomorrow, since we will be at my sister-in-law's house for Thanksgiving. We're bringing the veggies and dip, another way I'm sliding this year. Nothing to bring that requires any effort whatsoever.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dolenga/ / CC BY 2.0

When I was growing up, Thanksgiving was a travelling event. Some years it was spent at various relatives' homes, some years it was celebrated at our house. If we hosted the event at our house, Mom took out the good silver the day before and I polished it. Mom's silver was not the cheap electroplate stuff you buy now. It was heavy, solid Sterling. It seemed to me like it took all day to make it shine. My mom would make a huge meal with all the trimmings. My sister Suzy and I helped. Suzy usually mashed the potatoes and I set the table, with Mom's good china and crystal that was kept in the antique mahogany china cabinet in the living room. We all got dressed up in our good clothes and spent the day eating and visiting with relatives. After dinner our family did the stereotypical turkey day thing: the men watched football on TV and the women cleaned up the mess and chatted over coffee and the newspaper ads for the Black Friday sales. My Uncle Stan usually had a bad turkey joke or two - generally aimed at me since my birthday was so close to the holiday. My Aunt Irene always brought a card for me, or mailed it if we didn't see each other that day. She's the only person in my family who still sends me a card on my birthday. This year's card just arrived on Monday. Good thing, too - I almost forgot!

Of course there was always pie for dessert - my mother's tradition was to buy pies at Poppin' Fresh (now known as Baker's Square). Grandma Dorothy had to have her favorite, French Silk; that was always on the menu, along with the pumpkin and the apple pies that were the other favorites. Now that I have my own family, we've assimilated some of the traditions from both my husband's side of the family and my own into what are now our family traditions.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/40389150@N06/ / CC BY 2.0

One kind of dessert that we absolutely have to have now is banana cream pie. It's my husband's favorite kind of pie and always disappears first. Since no one's claimed French Silk as their favorite, we just don't do it since my Grandma passed away several years ago. I like it, and am reminded of her every time I get it, but my personal favorite is pecan. So that is another one we have at our Thanksgiving dinners. Of course we have to have pumpkin, since that's the American tradition. Even if you don't care for pumpkin, it just doesn't seem right to skip it at Thanksgiving. Maybe it's just the smell of the pumpkin pie spices that make it so well loved: cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, allspice and cloves. It always makes a house smell warm and inviting, especially when those smells are mingled with the roasted turkey and freshly-baked dinner rolls.

Now that the "kids" on my husband's side of the family are grown and in some cases, grandparents already, our celebrations have grown beyond the confines of our small house, so we usually go to one of the sibling's houses that have enough room to fit everyone comfortably. Of course that means I don't have to cook. Some insane part of me rather misses that, though. I guess if my future grandchildren someday are going to have Thanksgiving at Grandma's house, I will have to get a bigger house!

Happy Thanksgiving!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/zedzap/ / CC BY 2.0

Church Ladies

The winter clothes are officially out of storage, all our summer shorts and tee shirts are hidden away until the next heat wave begins. In Minnesota, that could be anytime between May to July. While unburying all of the winter stuff, I was rather happy to find some old but well-loved sweaters in a box that I couldn't find last year. I even have a couple that my mother gave to me several Christmases ago. Do sweaters ever really go out of style? I don't think so. At least as long as they don't have shoulder pads.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/31733144@N04/ / CC BY 2.0

I used to laugh because my mother seemed to dress so frumpy. Polyester pants with turtlenecks were her typical winter wardrobe. I hated her plaid wool skirts, worn over heavy knit opaque tights when the temperature dropped near freezing. I swore I would never go that route. I would wear denim until I was well into my eighties, and party like a rock star even if I needed a wheelchair or a walker to get around.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/playingwithpsp/ / CC BY 2.0

I think that started to change once my job required me to awaken at 5:30 am. Once you start going to bed each night around 9:30, the partying boat has all but sailed. My friends who still go to the bar don't even arrive there until then. I'm lucky if I can make it through the 9 o'clock news, which in my book is probably the best thing since sliced bread - stay up for the 10 o'clock news? no way!

As I go over my mental checklist of action items for tonight's Ladies Aid meeting at church, I realize that I am turning into my mother.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hadesigns/ / CC BY 2.0

Not just a little, I mean the good, the bad and the ugly. There are a few exceptions, but they seem to grow smaller over time. The Ladies Aid is part of it, I find myself rather looking forward to going to our monthly meetings, just like my mother always did.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/10413717@N08/ / CC BY 2.0

Although tonight I really wanted to stay at home to finish crocheting the turtleneck sweater I started a few weeks ago. It will really go well with my polyester dress pants. Well, maybe they're acrylic. Whatever. They are much more comfortable than my jeans.

Speaking of Ladies Aid, that reminds me. I happen to like this website, http://www.biblegateway.com/. I've found it so helpful - anytime I need to know where a verse is, if I can't remember where to find it, this is where I go. On their homepage today, there was a little snippet that mentioned they had taken a poll:

"If you were given the chance to have dinner with someone from the Old Testament
who would you choose and why?"

I thought that was a good question. Pay them a visit if you'd like to read some of the answers, some of them were pretty good!

So who would you choose, and why?

Ice Cream For Dinner? Anyone?

ice cream / gelado
Originally uploaded by lilivanili

Toasted marshmallows just don’t taste like they used to. Maybe I’m getting old. It doesn’t take forever to get them the perfect shade of brown without lighting the whole sticky mess on fire like it used to, and they seem way too sweet, now. When I was a kid I could eat the entire bag, even if it meant staying up past bedtime to get each one toasted.

I could never figure some things out, when I was a child. Like why the adults preferred sitting in the shade rather than playing in the sun on a hot summer day. Or why they didn’t find getting splashed by others while swimming at the lake or the pool as fun as I did.

Why can’t I have ice cream for dinner? I still haven’t figured that one out. Maybe I’m not so grown up, after all.

P.S. to the Last Post...

Did I mention that I can smell my sister's sandalwood and patchouli incense burning when I listen to this playlist? She burned it so our mom wouldn't know what else was burning in our basement. I can even smell that incense while I'm at work - odd. I guess ghosts tend to live on in the music they listened to.